I run the beach

six miles in two hours,

pathetically slow,

but not bad for a 67-year-old guy

with two knee replacements.

Then I pass a horseshoe crab

that has gone almost nowhere

in roughly half a billion years

THE LIBRARIAN'S LAMENT

You can't google everything! 

 HUMANS DEVELOP SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS

The first conscious thought

45,000 years ago:

“That boy has a penis.”

First self-conscious thought

45,000 years ago:

“Wow, my penis is bigger then his!”

FLESH VS FRUIT

I go to the Fogg Art Museum

And on the wall is a painting by Renoir

Of a half naked fleshy woman

About to take a bath

Right next to this picture

Is one by Cezanne

Of a bowl of fruit that the critic proclaims,

On an accompanying plague

“was like a human figure twisting and turning.” 

I don't know,

Maybe it's just me,

But I'll always choose the half naked woman

with the entrancing smile

over a god damned bowl of

half rotted fruit.

I never did fancy myself

As an art critic,

anyway

THE CLASSIC EXCUSE

I didn’t mean this

I meant that

TWO CHICKENS

After the grandkids and the kids

open all their presents

for Christmas 2016,

and the living room is

cluttered with wrappings, toys,

gadgets and new clothes,

I quietly give Monica her main present,

a card for “two chickens”

which she opens unnoticed

among the Christmas chaos,

and quietly put it away.

The next day she says,

“After 45 years

you finally know me

and you give me a present I can really appreciate.”

“I hate our materialist culture

that is so driven by the need to buy, buy, buy,”

she continues.

“I like the idea of

helping a family in Central America

who will receive  “two chickens”

that hopefully one day will

multiply into a sustainable family farm.

“So thank you

for the one meaningful gift this year.”

And then she added,

“and thanks for the new IPhone 7.”

STARING OFF INTO SPACE

It might look like

I was just sitting here

vacantly staring off into space

But actually

I journeyed through

the vastness of the cosmos

past the Solar System,

through our galaxy and beyond,

encountering black holes, quasars, nebulae,

even tangling with dark energy, dark matter

and other unseen (and unforeseen) forces

eventually travelling

to the ultimate end of the universe

and back.

What were you doing?

THE AUTODICK 

After a four hour

nine inning Red Sox loss

on the way out of the park

I called Roland

an "Autodick."

I meant this as a compliment. 

Obviously the wrong word

but the best I could do

at midnight.

On the ride home

Roland,

my friend, the Autodick,

and Peter Paul , my son,

laughed, knowing

I was attempting to draw

something complimentary

from my background in the Classics.

When I got home,

I realized the word

I was looking for was

Autodidact

Which is a more lofty

And complimentary way

of saying, 

"Self taught"

My humble apologies!

But then I must say,

“Autodick”

has a somewhat more 

guttural sound 

and possibly might be

more appealing 

and appropriate,

in certain situations.